Sunglasses are highly effective at protecting the eyes from bright sunlight but relatively ineffectual at preventing ear infections.
‘E’ is the most common letter in the English language so if you’re answering a multiple choice question with 5 options, always go for ‘E.’
Myth: Dolphins are among the most intelligent animals on Earth
Reality: They don’t even know how to walk
Myth: Dolphins engage in recreational sexual activities
Reality: Dolphin sex is a somber affair
Myth: Dolphins use their blowholes to breath
Reality: They can’t breath; they just go through oxygen very, very slowly
Myth: Dolphins make clicking sounds for echolocation
Reality: When they correctly guess where something is, they make clicks to brag about it to the rest of their pods even though it’s just dumb luck
Myth: Dolphins enjoy playing with humans
Reality: They tolerate humans because they are curmudgeonly, misanthropic creatures and the only thing they hate more than humans is other dolphins
Myth: A lot of people think dolphins are fish, but they’re actually mammals
Reality: A lot of people think dolphins are dinosaurs, but they’re actually fish
Hitting someone with a small, plastic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle counts as assault in the state of Minnesota, so wait until your bus has crossed the Wisconsin border before lobbing it back at the annoying 8-year-old across the aisle.
-Melissa Chiasson, Jordy Greenblatt, and Lincoln Sedlacek
Stapling one corner of a stack of papers, instead of all four corners, will not only save you money but also make it easier for people to turn the pages.
“This place is great at meeting each of their customer’s unique needs! Not only did they let us watch as they cremated Mrs. Altwood, they let us dance to “Girl on Fire” by Alicia Keys. It was the perfect send off.”
“A total bait and switch. I showed up and asked to see their cream selection and the receptionist told me she didn’t know what I was talking about. Looks like I’m going to continue going to my local farmer’s market, thank you very much.”
“Very satisfied. Woodland Oaks Crematorium didn’t care that we had no official paperwork, and they said it was fine that we didn’t schedule an official appointment and just burned the body while no witnesses were there. Thank you, Woodland Oaks! We will definitely be returning for repeat business. :)”
“This place should have a serious investagation. My pig Tulip was a very big pig and they gave me this very tiny vase and say it has his ash in it? I want to know where the rest of his body went this is definately not all of it.”
“Great bacon in the waiting room.”
PUT IT ALL ON RED 