Tip of the Day #649
by Jordy Greenblatt
Whenever you get home, always put your keys in the same spot. That way if someone tries to steal your car, you’ll know exactly where in your apartment to find them.
PUT IT ALL ON RED
New content every weekday. Sometimes.
Month: February, 2015
Status | February 24, 2015
Just a Thought: Bumper Stickers
by Lincoln Sedlacek
I want to get a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if your car horn isn’t working.”
February 23, 2015
List of Episodes in Season One of “Electoral College,” the TV Show I’m Pitching Where All of America’s Presidents Are in a Fraternity Together
by Lincoln Sedlacek
- Four Score and Seven Shots Ago…
- Bong-gress Is Now in Session
- Jackson Jacks Off
- Keg Stand for Justice
- Caucus-Blockus
- I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman. Let’s Fix That.
- The Supreme Courtship
- Pubic Policy
- Budgets and A-bro-priations
- President Bro Tempore
- George Washington Crossing the Underwear
- I Do Solemnly Swear That, to the Best of My Abilities, I Will Preserve, Protect, and Defend the Kegerator
- Bull-Moose Partay!
- Lame Fuck
February 22, 2015
Predictions for Categories That Should Have Been Included in the Oscars
by Jordy Greenblatt
Best Unoriginal Screenplay:
The Expendables 3
Best Sound and Drink Mixing:
Bar scene, X-Men: Days of Future Past
Most Apes:
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Best Dog in a Leading Role:
Ruggles, American Sniper
Best Person in a Leading Role Who Is Not a White Male:
Benedict Cumberbatch, The Imitation Game
Best Bradley Cooper Impression:
Ruggles, American Sniper
Best Makeup and Hairstyling and Plastic Surgery:
Godzilla, Godzilla
Most Improved Hotness in an Actor Transitioning From TV:
Chris Pratt, Guardians of the Galaxy
Most Spelling Errors in a Title:
The Granned Bupadust Hotelle
Best Feature Film Based on a YouTube Video of Dancing Cats:
Boyhood
Worst Snubbing of a Movie Illustrating the Tragic Parallels Between the Overt Discrimination of the Past and the Better Hidden Institutionalized Racism of the Present:
Transformers: Age of Extinction
-Melissa Chiasson, Jordy Greenblatt, Lincoln Sedlacek
February 20, 2015
Titles for My Children’s Book About A Dyslexic Sheep Who is Adopted by Wolves
by Melissa Chiasson
- A Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing
- The Wolf Who Cried Sheep
- The Wolf of Wall Sheep
- White Sheep Can’t Read
- Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, the Dyslexic Sheep
Status | February 19, 2015
Just a Thought: Warnings
by Jordy Greenblatt
I saw a sign at a breakfast buffet that said, “Please do not put hard boiled eggs in the microwave – They will explode.” I would have listened if they hadn’t added that last part. I don’t think the financial burden of the broken microwave falls on me.
February 18, 2015
Quiz: Over-the-Counter Heartburn Drug or Villain From the Science Fiction Screenplay “Space Blasters!” That I Wrote in Third Grade
by Jordy Greenblatt
- Zorthag
- Alamag
- Maalox
- Wargink
- Korondium
- Zantac
- Mintox
- Maniax
- Nexium
- Tums
Answers
Villain: 1,4,5,8
Heartburn: 2,3,6,7,9
Both: 10
Status | February 17, 2015
Tip of the Day #811
by Lincoln Sedlacek
Add some excitement to your Mardi Gras party by replacing the traditional plastic baby in your king cake with a real, live tarantula.
Status | February 12, 2015
Tip of the Day #201
by Jordy Greenblatt
Although almost ten percent of all murders are committed by lamaze coaches, only a small portion of those take place during lamaze classes.
PUT IT ALL ON RED 