Highlights From Last Night’s Super Bowl Party

by Lincoln Sedlacek

  • Kurt officiated the pre-game coin toss deciding whether Jake or Terah got first possession of the comfy armchair
  • In a controversial call, Elizabeth declared Grant’s pies incompletely cooked
  • I intercepted the pass of the final Lime-A-Rita to Grant
  • Kurt and Jake stormed the bathroom for much-awaited halftime pee
  • Terah made the game-changing call to Domino’s during which she ordered two meat lovers pizzas
  • Upon the completion of the fourth beer, Jake celebrated by drenching the host in vomit
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