Empowering Quotes I Made Up But Attribute to the Dalai Lama

by Jordy Greenblatt

  • If you must serve someone, serve truth. If you must slay someone, slay ignorance. If you must order a six-foot-long party sandwich, order from Subway.
  • To obtain peace, you must know yourself. Or Bob, the dealer who lives next door.
  • Once, an old man inquired, “How are you so wise?” And I replied, “Shut up, Dad, I’m trying to watch Real World/Road Rules Challenge.”
  • May the spirit of the world flow through you, like the suds through that bad-ass beer bong we made for Randy’s party.
  • You can always find happiness, when you have a bod like this.
  • Man does not live on bread alone. Man lives on bread and Sour Punch Straws.
  • I do not do my laundry. The man who hit me with his car in my apartment complex’s parking garage does my laundry. Always settle outside of court.
  • Always show compassion. On an unrelated note, can I borrow $20?

-Melissa Chiasson, Jordy Greenblatt, and Lincoln Sedlacek

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