PUT IT ALL ON RED

• If you must serve someone, serve truth. If you must slay someone, slay ignorance. If you must order a six-foot-long party sandwich, order from Subway.
• To obtain peace, you must know yourself. Or Bob, the dealer who lives next door.
• Once, an old man inquired, “How are you so wise?” And I replied, “Shut up, Dad, I’m trying to watch Real World/Road Rules Challenge.”
• May the spirit of the world flow through you, like the suds through that bad-ass beer bong we made for Randy’s party.
• You can always find happiness, when you have a bod like this.
• Man does not live on bread alone. Man lives on bread and Sour Punch Straws.
• I do not do my laundry. The man who hit me with his car in my apartment complex’s parking garage does my laundry. Always settle outside of court.
• Always show compassion. On an unrelated note, can I borrow $20?

-Melissa Chiasson, Jordy Greenblatt, and Lincoln Sedlacek