by Melissa Chiasson
A hummus stain starts the Peloponnesian War.
You catch more flies with flypaper than with vinegar.
Dinosaurs open the first Starbucks.
“Hoop! There it is.”
“And down goes the old leather pumpkin!”
“Looks like someone took a class in underwater basket-DUNKING in college.”
“It must be the evening after Jaime broke up with me and destroyed my self confidence, because there are NO REBOUNDS TONIGHT!”
“Dunk, dunk, goose!”
“I like my basketball hoops the same way I like my Oreos – DOUBLE STUFFED.”
“Michael Jordan might have had jumps, but my goodness does this kid have him beat in the elaborate bicep tattoo category.”
“Anyone in the mood for a snack? Because there are some DUNKAROOS out on that court.”
“I’ve got a fever, and the only prescription is more balls going in. Wait, can I get a redo?”
Friday’s new season of House of Cards is going to be the first season of the show where the political plot – a presidential race – is more believable than its real-world counterpart.