PUT IT ALL ON RED

New content every weekday. Sometimes.

Quizzes I Submitted to Buzzfeed That They Refused to Publish

by Lincoln Sedlacek

Ben & Jerry’s Flavor or Pornographic Film Title?

We Can Tell Exactly Where You Live – Seriously, the Exact Address – Based on the Answer to This One Simple Question

How Many of These Offensive Slurs Do You Know?

Do You Know the Answer to These Five Questions About Trying LSD for the First Time? I’m Asking for a Friend.

Are These Words Cheeses, Fonts, or Things I Just Made Up to Distract You While This Site Puts Malware on Your Computer?

Can You Answer These Nine Questions About the Digits in Your Social Security Number?

Which Third of the Human Centipede Are You?

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Tip of the Day #202

by Lincoln Sedlacek

It’s very important to proofread any written content you plan to publish in a pubic space.

Tips for Dealing with Spring Allergies

by Lincoln Sedlacek

1. Prepare for allergy season in advance by buying a bouquet of flowers, letting it die, taking several pictures of it, and leaving them lying around in gardens around your neighborhood as a warning to any pollinating plants.

2. Remember that most allergens get into your body through your eyes, nose, and mouth. Try hermetically sealing each of these bodily openings.

3. Once allergy season starts, write a letter to your senator telling him that allergy season should qualify as a state of emergency and he should introduce legislation supporting your strategy of “burning those flowering fuckers to the ground.”

4. It’s possible that one of your friends has a miracle cure to your particular allergic affliction. Make sure to complain about your allergies as much as possible so that your friends will know to tell you about any solutions they might have.

5. If regular allergy medications fail to cure your runny nose, watery eyes, shortness of breath, and sneezing, remember to carry a box of tissues with you everywhere you go, to televise how absolutely miserable and disgusting you are to the people around you.

6. Have you tried not having allergies? This is an alternative to spring allergies that many people around the world swear by – they say it’s one of the most enjoyable ways to spend spring!

from PIAOR’s Book of Quotations, Page 907

by Lincoln Sedlacek

“Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not one bit simpler. Nope, let’s try that again: Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. Crap, that’s not quite it… How about, ‘All should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.’ Yep, that’s it. Nice work, everyone!”

–Albert Einstein

Bingo Card for March 21st’s Presidential Candidate Forum

by Lincoln Sedlacek

The five remaining candidates for President of the United States will appear on CNN on March 21st, where they will partake in a three-hour candidate forum with Anderson Cooper and Wolf Blitzer.

For your enjoyment, Put It All on Red has supplied the following bingo card to be used during the event.

Presidential Forum Bingo

Tip of the Day #541

by Lincoln Sedlacek

Airport calories don’t count if you take a turbulent enough Spirit Airlines flight afterwards.

Members of the Superhero Squad “Team Taste”

by Lincoln Sedlacek

  • Cinnamonster
  • Major Marjoram
  • The Real Dill
  • Outta Thyme
  • CILANTRON
  • Caper Caper
  • The Four Seasonings

 

My Life

by Melissa Chiasson

feelingsvenn

The Bachelor, Season 20, in Graphs

by Melissa Chiasson

 

 

This Day in History: Mar. 10, 431 B.C

by Lincoln Sedlacek

A hummus stain starts the Peloponnesian War.

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