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from PIAOR’s Book of Quotations, Page 12

by Lincoln Sedlacek

“My fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for Beyoncé.”
–John F. Kennedy

Tip of the Day #907

by Lincoln Sedlacek

Flowers and a remorseful card can be a great way to tell someone, “I’m sorry I forgot about our anniversary, and your birthday, and your play, and your recent defense of your dissertation, and that we were dating entirely.” They are a less effective way of saying, “I’m sorry I forgot you have a severe pollen allergy.”

Tip of the Day #510

by Lincoln Sedlacek

While it may be nice to populate the walls of your house with family photos, it’s much more cost effective to just buy picture frames and leave in the stock photos.

from PIAOR’s Book of Quotations, Page 482

by Lincoln Sedlacek

“Whenever you do a thing, act as if all the world were watching. Unless you’re practicing French kissing with a taxidermied turtle. Then make sure no one is watching.”
–Thomas Jefferson

Just a Thought: Bats and Bridges

by Lincoln Sedlacek

In lots of cities, bats live in the spaces between rafters under bridges. These bats, like all bats, have really good hearing. So do they ever get frustrated trying to sleep when they’re literally living directly under an overpass?

Tip of the Day #599

by Lincoln Sedlacek

Out of tomato sauce? You can easily substitute it with red paint, provided your goal is to make things red and not to make delicious food.

Tip of the Day #856

by Lincoln Sedlacek

To quickly enter a locked building, try using keys.

Tip of the Day #6066

by Lincoln Sedlacek

You can greatly reduce your chances of rear-ending another car by driving on the wrong side of the road.

Tip of the Day #902

by Lincoln Sedlacek

To make your suitcase easy to spot in an airport’s baggage claim area, try attaching something easily recognizable to it, like a rainbow-colored ribbon or a human ear.

Just a Thought: English Muffins

by Jordy Greenblatt

Someone has to tell the English that, while they make an excellent toaster-worthy breakfast sandwich bun, they have no fucking clue what a muffin looks like.

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