The Worst Things That Could Possibly Happen on the First Day of High School

by Lincoln Sedlacek

The alarm clock doesn’t go off and you accidentally oversleep 90 years until you die of old age.

You’re in Anatomy, and the person in the school that you’re most attracted to is sitting behind you. They seductively whisper in your ear, “Want to go to the janitor’s closet and learn about my anatomy?” but it turns out you’re a sleeper agent and “anatomy” was the word that triggers you to hack into the U.S. missile defense system.

The principal gets on the intercom system just to let everyone know that Beyonce called and said she would come say hi to everyone if you were no longer at the school. This occurs during PE, where the archery unit has just started and everyone is holding bows and arrows.

You accidentally sit in the wrong place in the cafeteria and the table folds together, crushing everyone sitting there including you.

When you walk into Chemistry class after lunch, there is no teacher. There are only the words, “Today’s assignment: THE ANTIDOTE” written on the board.

You’re giving a presentation at the front of Speech class, when you suddenly realize you’re in your underwear and everyone starts laughing at you. Then you wake up, only to realize that you had fallen asleep while taking a shower in the locker rooms and people thought you had fainted and hit your head so now you’re being carried through the hallways on a gurney, naked, in front of the entire student body.

The World History teacher is sick, and left the first season of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo for the substitute to have everyone watch.