My Internal Monologue While Watching Justin Bieber’s Documentary, Never Say Never
by Melissa Chiasson
Justin Bieber’s mom is hot
I already hate this kid
Why are all these pre-teen girls crying?
Justin Bieber is playing Madison Square Garden in 10 days, and this provides a plot point for an otherwise totally pointless movie
Grown men who manage Justin Bieber have names like Scooter and say the word “swag” non-ironically
I now hate everyone involved in the production of this movie
Ontario actually looks pretty sweet
Justin Bieber is a normal kid who loves hanging out with his friends
But he’s also an international pop superstar, so it’s hard for him to just be normal
I have sympathy for Justin Bieber?
There is a lot of praying in this movie
He does work awfully hard
Guys, it’s only 5 days until MSG and I’m worried
Oh my God, Justin’s vocal chords are strained 😦
Whatever, I don’t care, I don’t even like Justin Bieber
Justin has to cancel a concert and is upset because he doesn’t want to disappoint his fans
2 DAYS UNTIL MSG CAN HE DO IT?
Is Justin Bieber attractive?
He might be kind of attractive
He’s also 16 in this movie
Jesus, keep it together
We made it to MSG, and Justin understands the gravity of this moment because he just gets
The doctor says Justin can sing tonight
You guys, I’m crying
Somehow he pulls those purple high tops off
Probably because he’s amazing
Sorry, Chelsea from section 2B, I’M going to be Mrs. Bieber if it’s the last thing I fucking do
Why does this movie only have 3 stars on Netflix?
Do not tell anyone about this