My Internal Monologue While Watching Justin Bieber’s Documentary, Never Say Never

by Melissa Chiasson

Justin Bieber’s mom is hot

I already hate this kid

Why are all these pre-teen girls crying?

Justin Bieber is playing Madison Square Garden in 10 days, and this provides a plot point for an otherwise totally pointless movie

Grown men who manage Justin Bieber have names like Scooter and say the word “swag” non-ironically

I now hate everyone involved in the production of this movie

Ontario actually looks pretty sweet

Justin Bieber is a normal kid who loves hanging out with his friends

But he’s also an international pop superstar, so it’s hard for him to just be normal

I have sympathy for Justin Bieber?

There is a lot of praying in this movie

He does work awfully hard

Guys, it’s only 5 days until MSG and I’m worried

Oh my God, Justin’s vocal chords are strained 😦

Whatever, I don’t care, I don’t even like Justin Bieber

Justin has to cancel a concert and is upset because he doesn’t want to disappoint his fans


Is Justin Bieber attractive?

He might be kind of attractive

He’s also 16 in this movie

Jesus, keep it together

We made it to MSG, and Justin understands the gravity of this moment because he just gets me it

The doctor says Justin can sing tonight

You guys, I’m crying

More praying

Somehow he pulls those purple high tops off

Probably because he’s amazing

Sorry, Chelsea from section 2B, I’M going to be Mrs. Bieber if it’s the last thing I fucking do

Why does this movie only have 3 stars on Netflix?

Do not tell anyone about this