New content every weekday. Sometimes.

Month: February, 2015

Tip of the Day #581

by Lincoln Sedlacek

Sunglasses are highly effective at protecting the eyes from bright sunlight but relatively ineffectual at preventing ear infections.

Cookbooks That Somehow Found Their Way Into My Kitchen After I Moved to Texas

by Lincoln Sedlacek

  • It Doesn’t Get Any Butter Than This
  • Cobbled Together: 113 Cobblers You Won’t Believe Are Actually Different Recipes
  • The 2015 “Brisket Boys” Cookbook Calendar, Featuring the Dallas Cowboys Slathered in Barbeque Sauce
  • Kiss My Molasses: 12 Sugary Southern Favorites
  • The Sweet Tea Guide to Early-Onset Diabetes
  • 48 Southern Meals You Have to Try Before You Die From a Heart Attack 30 Minutes Later
  • Whiskey and Ribs: How to Start Your Baby on Hard Foods and Liquor

Tip of the Day #48

by Jordy Greenblatt

‘E’ is the most common letter in the English language so if you’re answering a multiple choice question with 5 options, always go for ‘E.’

Common Misconceptions About Dolphins

by Jordy Greenblatt

Myth: Dolphins are among the most intelligent animals on Earth
Reality: They don’t even know how to walk

Myth: Dolphins engage in recreational sexual activities
Reality: Dolphin sex is a somber affair

Myth: Dolphins use their blowholes to breath
Reality: They can’t breath; they just go through oxygen very, very slowly

Myth: Dolphins make clicking sounds for echolocation
Reality: When they correctly guess where something is, they make clicks to brag about it to the rest of their pods even though it’s just dumb luck

Myth: Dolphins enjoy playing with humans
Reality: They tolerate humans because they are curmudgeonly, misanthropic creatures and the only thing they hate more than humans is other dolphins

Myth: A lot of people think dolphins are fish, but they’re actually mammals
Reality: A lot of people think dolphins are dinosaurs, but they’re actually fish

Tip of the Day #1284

by Lincoln Sedlacek

Hitting someone with a small, plastic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle counts as assault in the state of Minnesota, so wait until your bus has crossed the Wisconsin border before lobbing it back at the annoying 8-year-old across the aisle.

Highlights From Last Night’s Super Bowl Party

by Lincoln Sedlacek

  • Kurt officiated the pre-game coin toss deciding whether Jake or Terah got first possession of the comfy armchair
  • In a controversial call, Elizabeth declared Grant’s pies incompletely cooked
  • I intercepted the pass of the final Lime-A-Rita to Grant
  • Kurt and Jake stormed the bathroom for much-awaited halftime pee
  • Terah made the game-changing call to Domino’s during which she ordered two meat lovers pizzas
  • Upon the completion of the fourth beer, Jake celebrated by drenching the host in vomit
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