Ask Some Guy Who Only Gives Advice Through Anecdotes From “The Land Before Time”

by Lincoln Sedlacek

Hi GWOGATATLBT,
A month ago, I met this really amazing guy. He was everything I’ve ever wanted in a man, but as the weeks went by, I started to feel like there was something missing. We just didn’t connect; we shared the same values, but none of the same interests. Anyway, we recently went our separate ways, and I just can’t help but wonder…is there something wrong with me? I mean, he seemed so perfect for me; if I couldn’t manage to connect with him, will I ever really connect with anyone?
Needing encouragement,
Drained from Dating

Dear Drained,
Your situation sounds like that scene from the beloved children’s movie The Land Before Time, where Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky, Petrie, and Spike are all looking for the fabled “Great Valley” and find a small valley filled with lush, green trees. They all think that they’ve found their destination, but then a group of hungry longnecks rush into the clearing and eat everything. But you know what? That wasn’t the Great Valley; the Great Valley was still out there. And the person who’s right for you is still out there, too. You just have to keep searching for him.


Hey GWOGATATLBT,
Me and my roommates have always gotten along perfectly, but a few weeks ago one of them said some pretty nasty stuff to the rest of us, and we kind of all mutually agreed that he needed to move out. He’s been living with his boyfriend while he looks for another place, but these past few days the rest of us have been wondering if we overreacted – he said some mean stuff, but then again, we did, too. We think we’d like to give living with him another chance, but we don’t really know how to welcome him back into the fold. What do you think: how do we tell our ex-roommate we want to be friends again, after we literally kicked him out of our home?
Awaiting your advice,
Regretful Roomie

Dear Regretful,
Fights occur in every friend group: for example, I remember when the friend group in The Land Before Time had a fight, and all of the other dinosaurs ended up leaving Littlefoot to try to their own way to the Great Valley. But what you have to remember is that at the end of the day, Littlefoot ends up coming back to the other dinosaurs when he sees that they still want him there – specifically, because they need to be saved from falling into molten lava, sinking into tar pits, and being mauled by territorial dome-heads. I’m sure if you show your ex-roommate that you want him to come back, he’ll return, too.


Dear GWOGATATLBT,
My 6-year-old son always loved watching the movie We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story. It’s about a group of intelligent dinosaurs in modern-day New York and get into all sorts of antics – you know the drill. But about a week ago he broke the DVD, and I can’t find a new copy anywhere, not even online. He’s been really upset; do you think there’s any new children’s movie that he might enjoy enough to take his mind off how much he misses We’re Back!?
Thanks,
Movie-Mother

Dear Movie-Mother,
Your son seems like he’s probably experiencing the same loss Littlefoot experienced in The Land Before Time, when he saw his mother get attacked by a carnivorous Sharptooth, sustaining several neck and back injuries before finally passing away. However, even though Littlefoot really missed his mother, he’s still able to find a loving family in his friends, and also his grandparents, who he’s reunited with in the Great Valley. Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is that your son will eventually find another children’s movie that makes him as happy as We’re Back! once did. Have you considered Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey?

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