PUT IT ALL ON RED

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Category: Just a Thought

Just a Thought: Frosty the Snowman

by Lincoln Sedlacek

Whenever I hear the lyrics “He led them down the streets of town, right to the traffic cop; / And he only paused a moment when he heard him holler, ‘Stop!'” I always find myself thinking that the song “Frosty the Snowman” must have been a PSA about crossing the street that was changed to be a children’s song at the last moment.

Just a Thought: Metaphor

by Jordy Greenblatt

When someone confuses metaphor with semaphore, it’s a red flag.

Just a Thought: Academia

by Jordy Greenblatt

At this point in my career, the most important thing I’ve learned about academia is how to look like I’m thinking about something really important so that nobody bothers me.

Just a Thought: Family Pictures

by Lincoln Sedlacek

Whenever my family takes a photo together, I’m always tempted to pants one of my siblings or throw a pie in my dad’s face. It’s not that I want to humiliate any of them, I just think that would make for a better picture than “that time we all stood together and smiled disingenuously.”

Just a Thought: Titles

by Jordy Greenblatt

I don’t know why I have to wait to get my doctorate in order for people to call me by my degree title. Maybe it’s because being called “master” is a lot more fun than being called “doctor” so people would start dropping out before their dissertations. Then again, it would unclog the academic job market a little.

Just a Thought: Germany

by Jordy Greenblatt

I’m not sure whether I’d call a German-themed amusement park “Deutschland” or “Deutschland Land.” Admittedly “Deutschland Land” is less pithy but “Deutschland” could cause some misunderstandings. Expensive misunderstandings.

Just a Thought: Business Cards

by Jordy Greenblatt

I want to carry around business cards that say “Jordy Greenblatt, card carrying card carrier.”

Just a Thought: Role Play

by Jordy Greenblatt

I want to do “strangers meeting at a bar” role play with my girlfriend. It’s not sexual; we just both really like talking about ourselves and we don’t meet so many people these days.

Just a Thought: Pregnancy

by Jordy Greenblatt

The most awkward thing about being in your mid-twenties is that when someone says they’re pregnant, you’re never sure whether to say, “Congratulations!” or, “Take a deep breath, everything’s gonna be alright.”

Just a Thought: Vegetarianism

by Jordy Greenblatt

I’m giving up eating beef for a while. I told people it’s for moral reasons but really I just like saying “moo-ratorium.”

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