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Category: Just a Thought

Just a Thought: English Muffins

by Jordy Greenblatt

Someone has to tell the English that, while they make an excellent toaster-worthy breakfast sandwich bun, they have no fucking clue what a muffin looks like.

Just a Thought: Head Games

by Jordy Greenblatt

If I ran a cheap Chinese restaurant in a college town, all of the fortune cookies we gave out after 10pm would say either “Everyone can tell you’re high”, “Everything you said tonight was complete nonsense”, or “There’s a police car out front so slowly make your way to the bathroom and climb out the window.”

Just a Thought: Controversy

by Jordy Greenblatt

With all the controversy surrounding Rachel Dolezal, one thought keeping going through my head: Would Garrison Keillor’s career ever recover if it came out that he wasn’t actually from Lake Wobegon?

Dedicated to Walter Greenblatt, Happy Birthday Dad!

Just a Thought: Idioms

by Jordy Greenblatt

I’m very grateful for the expression “It’s no use crying over spilled milk” because, on the rare occasion that I spill milk, I’m too awed by the communicative power of idiomatic English to be upset. But I still feel like shit when I spill soda or juice.

Just a Thought: Shortcuts

by Jordy Greenblatt

Whenever I’m walking and I see a “NOT A THROUGH STREET” sign, I take it as a challenge. I’ll search every nook and cranny for an alley to go through or a fence to climb. Unfortunately it’s usually not intended as a challenge and I wind up looking like an idiot when I knock on someone’s door and sheepishly ask if I can cut through their yard. But I look like even more of an idiot when they inevitably slam the door in my face. I think there’s a moral in there somewhere.

Just a Thought: Bumper Stickers

by Lincoln Sedlacek

I want to get a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if your car horn isn’t working.”

Just a Thought: Warnings

by Jordy Greenblatt

I saw a sign at a breakfast buffet that said, “Please do not put hard boiled eggs in the microwave – They will explode.” I would have listened if they hadn’t added that last part. I don’t think the financial burden of the broken microwave falls on me.

Just a Thought: Colloquial Expressions

by Jordy Greenblatt

Anyone who says “I wish I’d been a fly on the wall” better really like eating shit.

Just a Thought: Monogamy

by Jordy Greenblatt

In 1990, the Australian rock band Divinyls released their hit single “I Touch Myself,” best known for the chorus, “I don’t want anybody else/When I think about you I touch myself.” Monogamy must be interpreted much more narrowly in Australia.

Just a Thought: Frosty the Snowman

by Lincoln Sedlacek

Whenever I hear the lyrics “He led them down the streets of town, right to the traffic cop; / And he only paused a moment when he heard him holler, ‘Stop!'” I always find myself thinking that the song “Frosty the Snowman” must have been a PSA about crossing the street that was changed to be a children’s song at the last moment.

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