PUT IT ALL ON RED

He shows up to your first date wearing a fedora.

The wifi is weak, so the pornography you’re watching buffers endlessly.

You accidentally hit “reply all” instead of “reply.”

As the red-eye flight taxis to the runway, the old man turns to you and says, “Would you like to hear a poem I wrote?”

And then you realize that all of the party guests are really into kayaking.

The bar has only one functioning toilet.

“Why, yes,” you say, “I do like Pitbull.”