by Melissa Chiasson
He shows up to your first date wearing a fedora.
The wifi is weak, so the pornography you’re watching buffers endlessly.
You accidentally hit “reply all” instead of “reply.”
As the red-eye flight taxis to the runway, the old man turns to you and says, “Would you like to hear a poem I wrote?”
And then you realize that all of the party guests are really into kayaking.
The bar has only one functioning toilet.
“Why, yes,” you say, “I do like Pitbull.”