Unsolicited Feedback From the Microsoft Word Paperclip

by Melissa Chiasson


“Looks like you’re writing a manifesto. Do you want help building a pipebomb?”

“What would you like to do? Customize grammar and spell check settings? Create and use custom dictionaries? Stop being a little illiterate bitch?”

“Italics denote emphasis, much like how those bangs emphasize your huge forehead.”

“Do you want to save this unfinished novel to the folder “Broken Dreams”?”

“You are seriously going to write that the five days you spent volunteering in Costa Rica junior year was “life-changing”? Christ.”

“Love the screenplay, but does the paperclip have to die in the end?”