My New Year’s Resolutions For the 14-Year-Old Girl I’m Cyberbullying
by Melissa Chiasson
- Live in the moment more, like when you’re sucking at cross country practice.
- Be more adventurous fashion-wise! There’s only so much photoshopping I can do to make you look ugly, so help me out by wearing some high-waisted jeans.
- Organize your time better so that I know exactly when you will be online, furiously rebutting my claims that you are half-Sasquatch.
- Eat healthier, and by that I mean develop an eating disorder.
- Cultivate your relationships. Tell Brian Johnson you have a crush on him! Then he can tell you how he’s in a hot cyber relationship with a girl who lives two states over and just can’t find the time to visit him (me).
- Meditate. For real, it’s just a really good idea.