Outline for my Thirty Minute PowerPoint Presentation “Sarah, Please Take Me Back”

by Jordy Greenblatt

  1. Introduction [Graphic: welcome mat or cartoon of smiling, sexy receptionist]
    1. Title
    2. Welcome audience (i.e. Sarah)
    3. Request audience not get up during presentation (note to self: cry a little to reinforce point)
  2. Emotions I Have [Graphic: sad emoji]
    1. Regret
    2. Deep futility about my life and the choices that led me to this point
    3. Hope for reconciliation
    4. Badness (note to self: make sure this counts as emotion)
  3. Attributes That Make me a Good Boyfriend [Graphic: me looking sophisticated or brave or something]
    1. No recent criminal history
    2. Old Spice deodorant
    3. Flexible part time job
    4. XBox One
    5. Old Spice body wash
  4. Changes I Have Made Since we Split up [Graphic: David Bowie with a speech bubble that says “ch-ch-ch-ch-changes”]
    1. Threw out wolf t-shirt
    2. Learned to make salad dressing
    3. Started paying taxes
    4. Purchased silverware
  5. Changes I Will Make in the Future [Graphic: scene from futuristic movie, maybe Blade Runner]
    1. Night classes
    2. Start reading newspaper
    3. Wash car
  6. Conclusion/Summary [Graphic: adorable child waving goodbye gif] (note to self: if Sarah seems receptive play that “So Long, Farewell” song from the Sound of Music)
    1. I feel sad
    2. I was kind of a good boyfriend
    3. I have changed
    4. I will continue to change
  7. Thanks
    1. Thank you to Sarah for sitting through my entire presentation (note to self: if she’s unreceptive say this acerbically)
    2. Thank you to Jeff for showing me how you do a PowerPoint and running the projector