Ask Some Guy Who’s Really Not Sure What Was in That Bottle

by Jordy Greenblatt

Hi GWRNSWWTB,
My organic chemistry final is a month away and I’m freaking out. My adviser said that if I don’t do well enough, I basically won’t have a serious shot at med school. I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was 12 but the stress in the last two years has been almost too much to handle. I don’t like to think of myself as a quitter but all I can think now is that if I work my ass off every day for a month straight, the reward is basically this level of stress for the next 10 years. Do you think the stress is just making me melodramatic or am I onto something?
Signed,
This is NOT What the Doctor Ordered

Dear Ordered,
I don’t think you’re just stressed; this is serious moment for reflection. More to the point, you probably won’t get much studying done if you’re constantly distracted by the lurking question of your future. It’s worth taking a night off from studying to sit down, organize your priorities, and decide upfront whether you’re going to take this test seriously or if the pain simply isn’t worth the gain. If you decide to stick with it, I have some chemistry advice for you: always label your bottles. A lot of things look like water but then turn out to smell like liquid tar and taste even worse and then your buddy convinces you that it smells fine to him and then you drink it and then you feel a little funny and your toes are numb and then you respond to your advice column inbox and then you start to realize your brain’s not going at full capacity and your desk is spinning. Definitely don’t do that thing I just said.


What’s up GWRNSWWTB,
It’s my dad’s birthday next weekend and he really wants me to drive home. The trouble is that would be a six hour drive each way for like a 20 hour visit and I’ll probably be carsick the whole damn time. I guess what I want to know is, which one of us is being selfish?
Your thoughts?
Suffering Son

Dear Suffering,
No matter how old you are, yuor dad will always see you as his boy, at least a lttile bit so you–guggg… oh God, hold on… wait… okay, it’s just asid reflux. Anyway, whether you live in his bamesent or halfway acros the globe, he’ll never see you 1000 persent as ur own person. You need to asks yurslef if you feel the same way. If you stillll lean on him alot and luke to him for spuport, maybe you need to humer him. Owrtehsie you just gotta tell it like it isss.


Dear GWRNSWWTB,
I love cooking and I’m considering trying to brew my own beer as a new challenge. That said, I have a lot on my plate at the moment (no pun intended), and I constantly feel overextended. Do you think it’s going to be too much work, or is the excitement of taking on a project just what I need to energize myself?
Yours,
Pining for Pilsner but Whining about Work

der pinning,
sorrty man i cannt hlp u ifi tnhik abut alkhol, i swar il fukin puk onmy cmptr

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