Signs You’re Staying Too Late at the Office

by Lincoln Sedlacek

  • You don’t need to wear your sunglasses when you leave, because the sun has already set
  • The nighttime janitorial staff has started bringing you dinner
  • Whenever you ask your boss for a raise, she responds by offering to reimburse you for an inflatable mattress that will fit under your desk
  • Your work day is supposed to end at 6:00 PM, but you keep on working past midnight because your boss comes into your cubicle at 5:45 asking if you can do “one quick thing” that ends up being sneaking into one of your main competitor’s headquarters to challenge their CEO in hand-to-hand combat
  • Sometimes the fire alarm goes off, but instead of saying something like, “A fire has been detected in the building. Please proceed to the nearest emergency exit,” the automated voice says, “A fire has been detected in the building. You can leave if you want, but frankly, if you’re here at 10:30 on Saturday, death might come as a relief.”
  • You don’t need to wear your sunglasses when you leave the office because the sun went supernova several billion years ago
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