Ways to Ensure No One Takes the Seat Next to You on the Megabus
by Lincoln Sedlacek
Set an empty can of beans, a half-eaten sack of prunes, and a burrito wrapper conspicuously on the seat next to you
Hold the game Candy Land firmly against your chest and eagerly nod and gesture to the seat next to you every time someone walks by
Look deeply engrossed in Lolita and enthusiastically whisper, “Now that’s what I’m talking about!” every time someone comes close to sitting next to you
Every time someone approaches, place your hand over the seat suspiciously, firmly grip the top of your backpack, and say, “Are you a cop?”
Ask every passenger who walks by you, “Do you have the next four-hour bus ride to hear about Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior?”
Ask every passenger who walks by you, “Do you have the next four-hour bus ride to hear about the Dark Lord Bhak-N’ah, may he rule under us for all eternity?”
Ask every passenger who walks by you, “Do you mind if I sing the Seussical soundtrack for the entire trip?”
