My Favorite Movies in the Jurassic Park Series

by Lincoln Sedlacek

  1. Jurassic Park – During a preview tour, a dinosaur theme park experiences a major power shutdown that allows its deadly attractions to run amok.
  2. The Lost World: Jurassic Park – It is discovered that Jurassic Park actually had a second site already in operation when the first site went out of commission. Remembering how fun people said the first site was, a research team decides to go visit the island.
  3. Jurassic Park III – A team of plucky Hollywood writers realize that it’s possible to write a third movie where dinosaurs fight and eat humans with as little plot as a paragliding accident.
  4. Jurassic World – A new dinosaur theme park, Jurassic World, opens and continues running for several years, due in large part to the management’s choice of using actual walls to keep the dinosaurs in their pens. Disaster strikes, however, when they build one of the walls too thin.
  5. Jurassic World II: Raptor Squad – InGen carries out Vic Hoskins dream of breeding and training velociraptors for use in the military. The Raptor Squad’s initial performance seems promising, right up until they’re sent on a search and rescue mission.
  6. Jurassic League: The Reno Raptors – Attempting to get back in the public’s good graces, InGen clones a velociraptor basketball team. The NBA initially resists letting the team play professionally, but relents when InGen points out there’s no rule saying a basketball team can’t be made up of velociraptors. Such a rule is instated shortly after the bloodbath of the Reno Raptors’ first game.
  7. Jurassic Troupe: A Dance of Dinos – Realizing that one of velociraptors’ most lovable qualities is the cute clicking noise their claws make when they hit the ground, InGen trains a troupe of tap-dancing velociraptors. The result is a bunch of scientists screaming, “Why didn’t we just clone Fred Astaire and Shirley Temple?!” while their insides are being torn out.
  8. Jurassic: ON ICE! – InGen airs a reality show in which figure skaters compete on a frozen lake containing a carnivorous, 60-foot-long mosasaur. For once, things go exactly as planned.
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