Excerpts from “That’s So Scrooge,” Disney Channel’s Retelling of “A Christmas Carol”
by Melissa Chiasson
TJ: “Scrooge, can we stop working on this volcano diorama for science class and play in the snow?”
Scrooge: “I suppose, TJ. But what if I get an A for this project with you only putting in some of the work? That’s not fair.”
TJ is already out the door, hurriedly putting on a coat
Scrooge gives an exasperated sigh.
Scrooge: “Oh brother.”
The ghost of Marley, Scrooge’s recently deceased dog, appears in his room, a chain wrapped around his body, from which dog toys and rawhide bones hang.
Scrooge: “Marley, you can talk? This is awesome!”
Marley: “You will be visited by three spirits this evening.”
Scrooge, hopefully: “Is one of them Becky from social studies?”
The Ghost of Christmas Past takes him to a classroom, where young Scrooge is sitting all by himself.
GoCP: “What were you doing, Ebenezer?”
Scrooge: “I was finishing a book report for class because I wanted to get a good grade.”
GoCP: “And where is everyone else?”
Scrooge: “At the Christmas party. But I didn’t have a date.”
GoCP, rolling her eyes: “That sweater probably wasn’t helping.”
The Ghost of Christmas Future points to a photo on the wall.
Scrooge: “Why do you point to that photo?”
Unmoved, the Ghost continues to point.
Scrooge: “Tell me, Spirit, is this really my future? Can I change it?
The Ghost does not respond. Scrooge draws near to the wall, where a display of senior superlatives rests. Scrooge searches for his face under “Coolest” or “Best Hair.” His face turns to a grimace as he spots his photo under “Most studious.”
Scrooge: “Please, Spirit, no! Becky will never go out with me if I’m a nerd!”
Scrooge wakes up, in his own bed.
Scrooge: “It was all a dream! I will change, I promise, Spirits!”
There’s a knock on the door.
Mom: “Ebenezer, are you in there? You’ve got a visitor.”
Scrooge: “Come in!”
Becky stands in the doorway, wearing a Christmas sweater.
[audience whistles inappropriately at a 14-year-old actress]
Becky: “Merry Christmas, Scrooge!”
Scrooge: “Merry Christmas, Becky!”
Marley, peeking out from under Scrooge’s bed: “Oh brother.”