Thesis Topics My Adviser Refused to Fund

by Jordy Greenblatt

  • Low Viscosity Solutions to the Maple Syrup Stain on My Good Jeans
  • A New Algorithm for Finishing That Level of Yoshi’s Island Where You Fight the Frog From Inside Its Stomach
  • Optimal Temperature for Serving Revenge
  • Random Walks in Large Open Domains Just to Get Some Air
  • An Upper Bound on the Number of Times I Can Hear the Question “Will This Be on the Final” Without Having a Breakdown
  • A Complete Characterization of Knots That I Learned the Hard Way Won’t Keep My Dog From Chasing After Squirrels
  • Solutions to Jay-Z’s Fourteenth and Ninety-Sixth Problems