Rejected Disney Sidekicks

by Jordy Greenblatt

  • Aladdin: Hassan, an enchanted fez whose hopeless crush on Jasmine’s headband causes him to feel self-conscious about his stained felt and fraying tassels
  • The Lion King: Mosalo, the giraffe interior decorator of Pride Rock whose suggestions generally involve heightening doorways
  • Snow White: Rusty, the eighth dwarf whose out of date mining tools regularly cause the “____ days without an accident” counter to reset
  • The Little Mermaid: Starry, a starfish always looking for excuses to practice her underwater cartwheels
  • Mulan: Xin Liu, a fortune cookie who announces his consistently grisly predictions through a Daffy Duck-like lisp
  • Beauty and the Beast: Floretta, Belle’s laundry chute who frequently complains about her sweat stains and mocks her taste in dresses
  • Toy Story: Mr. Wiggles, a mysterious tube-like toy confined to Andy’s Mom’s nightstand