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by Lincoln Sedlacek
- Wow, honey, you’ve really outdone yourself this time. I mean, you didn’t outdo Roger, but you outdid yourself.
- We should try to set your brother up with my sister. Or me.
- You know what would be even better than having sex right now? Shoving twenty pieces of sandpaper up my nose.
- I’m so lucky to be married to you in a country whose society views divorce as acceptable.
- You’re right – as often.
- Babe, the way you make me feel…it’s like I’m watching all of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, and I’m halfway through Season Three.
- How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Seriously, it’ll just take a minute.
- Look, I don’t want to always be trying to keep up with the Joneses. I want to get ahead of them. If I wanted to keep up with the Joneses, I would have married Darin Jones.