by Lincoln Sedlacek
- A woman who died the night before she appeared on “Iron Chef,” – she now spends every day making a gourmet dish that she cannot eat, or transport further than your kitchen table.
- A guy who slipped on coffee that spilled from his “#1 Dad” mug and is always up for playing catch, building a treehouse, or talking to you after a rough day.
- A man who committed suicide after his girlfriend left because he never did the dishes. Some nights you can still hear him beg her to come back as he loads the dishwasher, puts in some detergent, and turns it on.
- A girl who died in a terrible fire and now unplugs the iron and turns off the oven whenever you forget to do so before leaving the house.
- A puppy who spends most of his time in adorable, corporeal form, but who can’t eat, poop, pee, or leave dog hair all over your couch.
- Jerry Garcia, who plays great music and provides many “Grateful Dead” pun opportunities.
-Jordy Greenblatt and Lincoln Sedlacek