by Jordy Greenblatt
Pros: Safe and innocuous. The vanilla ice cream of email sign-offs.
Cons: Nondescript and underwhelming. Demonstrates an utter void of personality.
Pros: Slightly warmer and more genial. Has a vintage feel recalling the days when letters were handwritten and delivered by horses.
Cons: Can come off as sarcastic. Unclear whether the regards are positive or negative.
Pros: More specific than either. Unambiguously positive.
Cons: Shows you are not decisive enough to choose between “Best” and “Regards.” Generally understood as a sign of weakness and cowardice.
All the best,
Pros: Strong and clear. Unambiguously positive.
Cons: Nobody will believe you want them to have all the best.
Pros: Very classy. Makes you sound older and more mature. And more sincere.
Cons: Makes you sound too much older, like someone who would call a computer a “flashing picture machine” and think Obama is a Muslim.
Pros: Simple and concise. Tells them you are unpretentious and laid back.
Cons: Low brow. Commits you to future communication. Cajoles them into future communication.
Pros: Reminds family of their importance. Good for love letters.
Cons: Loses it’s sincerity if you electronically hug and kiss too many people. Terrible for office memos.
Pros: Upbeat and classy while suggesting a propensity for drink and mischief.
Cons: Reinforces American cultural inferiority complex to Britain. Spits in faces of Founding Fathers.
Pros: Polite. Makes them feel appreciated and eager to open your next email.
Cons: Weak. Very weak. Two emails in a row signed “Thanks” sends the message, “if you kick me and call me a worthless sack of shit I’ll still come back and thank you for it like a golden retriever puppy.”
Pros: Amicable but dispassionate. Conveys awareness of youth culture.
Cons: Lazy and generic. Implies a lack of intelligence and basic hygiene as well as a strong preference for hemp garments.
Pros: Suggests membership in high society and allows for the possibility that you know a foreign language.
Cons: Patronizing. Very embarrassing if the recipient knows French and you don’t.