Preview of HGTV’s New Fall Lineup

by Melissa Chiasson

Mason Jar Mania: Need a cute and totally inefficient way to pack a salad for lunch? Mason jars! Need to craft centerpieces for a wedding on a budget? Mason jars! Need to make a Molotov cocktail that says “I’m fomenting revolution, artisanally!” Mason jars!

O. J. Simpson: If I Bid It: This zany reality series follows O. J. Simpson as he studies to become an auctioneer at the venerable Christie’s auction house. Does he have what it takes to pound the auctioneers’ gavel? Or will he be going once, going twice, gone! after threatening to kill the craft services guy for buying the wrong bagels?

What the Fuck is Macramé?: It sounds like a French pastry and probably isn’t a thing anyone cares about. 13 episodes, coming right up!

Wallpaper: A History: Join us as we go back in time and trace the astounding origins of wall paper. From the ancient Egyptians’ use of papyrus covered with decorative designs as wall coverings to today’s use of paper covered with decorative designs as wall coverings, this story is bound to excite.

HGTV’s Cribs: Each episode features three aging couples as they invite you into their sensible, reasonably sized abodes. They will talk at-length about how they chose their granite countertops. You will change the channel to Jeopardy!.