E. E. Cummings Writes a Yelp Review for a Phoenix-area Olive Garden

by Melissa Chiasson

infinite breadsticks)

they beguile me from their basket while

whitney the waitress asks me what i’d like to order

as if i would know what to do with this tome

you call a menu



caprese flatbread aka pizza

fettucine alfredo,yawn

crab-topped chicken(wtf)

i’ll have the lasagna classico and two bottles of wine

yes, that’s all for one judge

much whitney?


terra cotta walls desperately channel tuscan villa

as the hooters across the parking lot promises

hot wings        and                     cold brewskis


this wine is terrible but it will

get you drunk

this lasagna is terrible and it will

not get you drunk

so I am drinking wine and eating my fourth basket of breadsticks

tiramisu for everyone, on me



god this is an

awful place Whitney

i have seen men die and

this is worse

why yes i’ll accept another(