by River Clegg
“Baby Got Back” — Not always.
“We Built This City” — No. The band Starship did not build any cities.
“What a Wonderful World” — Probably for some people.
“Love Me Do” — Grammatically unsound.
“(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” — This really hinges on how close you are at the time to a milkshake or drugs.
“Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” — Nope.
“Larger Than Life” — The title of this Backstreet Boys song doesn’t make sense. How can something be larger than life? What does that even mean? But try pointing that out to Melissa Richards when you’re dancing to it together at the 8th grade prom. Suddenly she doesn’t want to make eye contact and has to get home soon.
“Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony” — There is no historical evidence of the other four.
“Video Killed the Radio Star” — That depends. If you’re talking about the popular 1930s radio personality Eddie Cantor, it was a heart attack.
“This Land Is Your Land” — If you own it, I guess.
“It Was a Very Good Year” — Actually, there has only been one very good year on record so far. It was 1991, when Super Nintendo came out.
“She’s a Lady” — Not if you’re talking about Melissa Richards and staying with your prom date regardless of whether he forgot to shower that day and “smells funny” is something a lady is supposed to do.
“Walk This Way,” performed by Aerosmith and Run DMC featuring Cap’n Crunch — No such version of this song exists. But how cool would that be!
“I Will” — Over my dead body.